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In the very end of the 16th edition of Defcon, the Squadron of Justice is proud to present the allegations and final resolution on the judgement of Alan Shimel for crimes against Humankind, Honor, Respect and the Queen.
Alan Shimel is among the many C-level executives within the security industry that will be prosecuted under the Law of Internet Balance, which regulates the amount of useless information, marketing, lies and hype an individual might be able to spread in a certain amount of time.
The Great Council of Internet Superheros, hereto grants permission to the Squadron of Justice, the Bl4qh4t L1b3r4t10n 4rmy and other supporting organizations to take reckless immediate action, to assure the correctness, security, integrity and righteousness of these legal proceedings.
Alan Shimel has been producing an exceedingly huge amount of useless traffic,
otherwise known as 'bullshit' by non-super-powered individuals, violating
sections I, II, III, IV, V, VI and MAXINT of the Internet Law on Lies and Hype.
>From his website, StillSecureAfterAllTheseYears (to be referred as StillInsecure
AfterAllTheseYears onwards), he has distributed innumerable 'posts' containing excessive amounts of made up facts and misleading statements, as well as calling booth babes 'women without raunchy and without class'.
Even though the Council and its supporting organizations are profound feminism detractors (since most feminists are bored, sex starved, life-lacking maniacdepressive lesbians), they do not condone nor allow acts against women of any kind in the digital realms of the Internet. Such despicable activities will be intensely monitored and punished. We know that feminists would be a lesser annoyance if they fucked a living being once in a while, but until that happens, be prepared for shortage of batteries and other portable electrical power due to dildo abuse.
Currently operatives are investigating the potential Jewish roots of Alan Shimel and the consequences of a showdown against his lineage. Jew blood lines will not be tolerated in the digital realms, due to violations of sections VIII and XII of the Zion Elders Regulation Law ("possessing an ugly big nose and wrinkled face with lousy black hair, as well as a reckless craving for money and bright gold teeth").
Stillsecure Inc. assets will be investigated for potential charges of Money laundering, malicious marketing practices and sponsoring of illegal conferences such as Blackhat Las Vegas and Defcon.
Expire date: 09/2011
(We reserve the Mastercard ending on 1740 for supporting the infrastructures of the Chamber of Internet Justice). Your wife (Bonnie) credit card ends on 6639 but awesome superheroes respect women.
Address: 21455 Halstead drive
City: Boca Raton
Country: United States of Fucking America Phone: +1.5618526591
Mother's maiden name: Goodkin (Serious?)
You can also publish invited guest posts on Alan's blog at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Remember to spell check.
You can access (if it remains available) his WhatsDoin' private section with username 'guest' and password 'pearl'.
You might be interested the revamped (in)Security Bloggers Network, the StillInsecureBlog (after all these years...), etc...
Mailbox archives to follow, coming soon to your screen!
Finally, the Council and related parties would like to produce a statement of intentions to ensure that our mission and objectives are clear.
And that is not gonna happen.
Your end might be not nigh yet, but we are getting goddamn fucking close to it.
Good night and good luck, you guys will certainly need it. The game starts now. For the lulz. For justice. For the fallen comrades. Suck our awesome super powered dicks.
PS: Alan, the superheroes love your green thong photos. No worries, thanks to superhero awesomeness and otherworldly powers, your mail has been backed up at a safe location.